October 12, 2017
You are worthy. Three little words that have so much meaning now.
I have been putting off posting about this for almost a year now and I’m still not sure if I’m ready. If you know me personally, you know I have a hard time expressing my emotions especially when it comes to me hurting. And my heart has been shattered for some time now.
Last year, on Veteran’s Day, my grandfather died by suicide.
My heart hurts just writing that. I feel like I’m living a nightmare most of the time and that he’ll come back into our lives. Its the deepest sadness I’ve ever felt. Suicide isn’t something we are comfortable talking about but I’m not ashamed – he was struggling and as difficult it is for us to accept, I have found comfort in knowing he’s at peace.
On Tuesday, October 10 (National Mental Health Day) My mother and I decided to get a permanent reminder of his legacy. “You are worthy” is what my mom used to always tell her Dad every time she saw him. To remind him how loved he was, how important, how worthy…
Although we will never be able to comprehend what he was going through that day, I hope he remembers how much we loved him and miss him every day. Over the past year, I’ve dealt with a lot of personal guilt that I could have let him in my life more, should have reached out more, should have loved him more…I’m not sure that I’ll ever get over those feelings but every time I look down to my arm I am reminded that I, too, am worthy of forgiveness.
I know this post is extremely heavy and not like anything I have ever posted before but I wanted to share our story with you all- Especially if you are going through something similar or if you are struggling with mental health. There are people out there who care so deeply for you, WE care.
You are not alone. You are loved. You are important.